The fits hits the Shan #9: homesick for their light

There are stars sewn under my skin.  I used to keep them in my pockets, but they fell out too easily; I lost them in tall grass and bounding up stairs. Once I climbed a tree over a creek in the middle of nowhere and hanging upside down, saw reflected my dismayed look when more than one sprinkled down to the surface, floating away to Somewhere.

And so I learned, not quickly, absolutely or painlessly, but I learned. I learned that stars can be lost.  All their soft, shimmering resilience is now tucked away where I can feel their slight pulse between muscle and dermis.  It is comforting to keep them safe.

In recent days, though, I have realized my pupils are  empty buckets, homesick for their light.  Are they still luminous there in the bloody dark, unseen?    I’ve wondered more than once when I’ve thought how bereft a crescent moon looks alone in the sky.

Wikipedia and Leonard Nimoy tell me that stars are not eternal – they can die; and when they do, they change the gravity of lives worlds away. Stars do not die quietly. Dying stars kill. That I am here to wonder at their life, it seems they must be living still.

That is the secret, then, that goes with me everywhere: under my skin I am a million points of light.

Tonight I am only wondering if the tragedy is an unlit night sky, or a scalpel.

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4 Responses to The fits hits the Shan #9: homesick for their light

  1. Vicki says:

    shan – you are a beautiful painter/poet. one of my favorite kinds of people. i hope to be a painter/poet like you someday. really i do. your stars are so bright, they can’t help but sparkle through your follicles and such. yes? yes. you both should submit some of your writings to some poetry journals, or something!

    • shan k says:

      Thank you, Vicki. Affirmation of sparkling follicles is just what the dr ordered. 🙂 For some reason writing is harder for me to “send out” to the big wide world than a painting. But maybe I send something and just see what comes of it? I’ll think about it.

  2. Barbara J Booker says:

    Shan, you are full of that starlight that passes to all who know you. Your eyes sparkle with light and your starlit soul illuminates through your dermis. Barbara

  3. tarabeef76 says:

    Beautiful Shan. Thanks for sharing.

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