Top Twenty Five Tuesday: Baffling Search Results that Have Led People to My Blog

One of the most amusing sections of my blog stats page is the little window that tells me what people have searched for to find my blog. Most of them make sense. Some of them do not. Guess which are more amusing. In no particular order, here are some of my favorites.

1. Guatemalan ant candy – I’ve talked plenty about Guatemala, and I’ve talked about ant candy, but I don’t recall ever talking about Guatemalan ant candy, which must have left this searcher very disappointed.
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer fighting stills – Actually, this isn’t baffling at all. There has been at least one shot from the show used on this blog, and I think you should take that as a good thing.
3. hardest part of being a parent my daughter didn’t make cheer leader – This is hilarious, because one of my points in this list of ten hardships was the fear that someday she will want to be a cheerleader.
4. peed in the creek – How exactly are you looking for Google to help you with this?
5. Where is your uterus at 12 weeks? – Probably the same place you keep it the rest of the time.
6. realistic animal wild bobcat toy – I…I just…huh.
7. beautiful girl video game programmers – Okay, yes, I have discussed a particular “girl video game programmer”, and yes, she is lovely. But that was absolutely not the point of the post, which was all about successful women who are empowering examples for girls.
8. americanbutts – arejustaboutthesameaseveryoneelse’s.
9. baby riding lion – There is, in fact, a picture of me riding a lion on this blog, but it was made of stone. Do pictures exist on the internet of a baby riding a real one? What am I talking about, of course they do.
10. comic strip faces of screaming fear – That pretty much sums it up, yes.
11. is feeling really tired and drained – Welcome, friend. We meet every week, and there are donuts.
12. resant reading – Which I’m guessing there hasn’t been much of in this case.
13. how should a 29 year old act – I wish I knew.
14. spanking wife discipline – Damn it, did those pics get posted again?! How many times will it take us to learn?
15. girl poo swimming poo – People are neat.
16. dreaming of swimming in feces – Thanks, Alise. Thanks. Really. Ongoing variations on this search’s theme are part of your gift to me that keeps on giving.
17. how was ur easter sunday hope u had a great time. iam happy u like the gift i sent you… – mine was great thx how bout u. r u sure u not mean 2 put this on fb instead?
18. what is a “recent reading” – In your case? Probably “ever”.
19. posts about poo – Glad I can help.
20. i am introvert. i fall in love with extrovert. – Friends not like each other. See now it was bad idea from start. All ends in tears.
21. elf getting hit by a car pictures – I shouldn’t laugh, I’ve probably searched for this too.
22. legal ways to get kids to shut up – Well, see, legality is a funny thing.
23. women suck at maths - Another Friday night without a date, eh, champ? There’s no need to be a jerk about it. 
24. arminian parenting – Pretty much the same, you just don’t have to worry that your kid being a pain in the ass was all part of God’s plan for you from the beginning.
25. beatrix kiddo is a fictional character highly skilled in what – Stop screwing with me, Trebek. We’ve been over this. YOU give the answers, I ask the questions. Now, try again.

So what is the craziest search that has led people to your blog site?

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24 Responses to Top Twenty Five Tuesday: Baffling Search Results that Have Led People to My Blog

  1. Watchman says:

    How to make bilabial sounds

    Our family just recently completed a language acquisition class in Colorado Springs, CO to help prepare us for the mission field. We learned the various terms for the sounds our mouths make. One of these are bilabial sounds having to do with our lips. Apparently, we had placed this keyword somewhere into an earlier blog post and it showed up on a Google search.

  2. mama says:

    Before you actually told me how to find your blog, I typed in ‘screaming kettle’ and got some great sites on tea kettles…none of which lead me to your blog~

  3. Brittney says:

    best. post. ever.

    • First thought: “Wow, thanks, Brit! Glad you enjoyed it.”
      Second thought: “Wait…I didn’t actually do any writing in this post. What is she trying to tell me?”

      Just teasing.

  4. happygirl says:

    none as funny as yours. However, I’ve had a weird POP in page views since I wrote my post “I took an arrow in the chest.” Can’t figure out the popularity, but LOVE it.

  5. Reading the search terms is one of my favorite things about having a blog. In April, for National Poetry Month, I tried my hand at writing some search engine poetry & that was a blast. But how to pick a favorite line? Can I pick several? Please don’t make assumptions about my blog based on these, though, ’cause some of them are creepy.
    1) what do you say when someone says where have you been all my life
    2) women keep their mouths shut bible
    3) jackass missed your birthday facebook
    4) i received ugly figurines
    5) is god okay with Christian wives playing with other women
    7) spiderman what if
    8) figar of open girl (see? creepy!)

  6. Jeremy Myers says:

    Hilarious.

    It truly is interesting how some people find your blog, and even crazier that people are actually searching for these things online.

  7. WordPress gives me the same things and they are so bizarre that I’m inclined to not believe that someone a) searched it b) was pointed to my site.

  8. Vicki Munn says:

    i remember writing a comment to you one time about how i suck at maths (and i am a woman). it was in a post about you talking about solving these crazy mathematical problems in your head without writing them down or something insane like that.
    glad i could get you some traffic – you’re welcome!

    one time a very “nasty” site was linked to my blog for some reason. nasty it was! blah. there may have been wife spanking there, i’m not sure.

  9. sorry, hate to be a comment hog, but just today – after compiling the list above – this showed up in my blog search terms: hindenburg ice cream
    What the what?

  10. Alise says:

    You know, it’s been my life-long goal to direct all poo-related searches to someone ELSE’S blog.

    I get a lot of hits from searches about Rob Bell’s glasses, since I cited them as the reason why John Piper tweeted Farewell, Rob Bell: http://www.alise-write.com/2011/03/john-piper-is-jealous-of-rob-bells.html

  11. shan k says:

    laughed and laughed. want to start making irrelevant comments on all your posts to contribute to the fun. Buffalo icecream hallucinogens. you’re welcome.

  12. This is just too funny. My search terms (on blogspot) are bland and boring.

    I am going now to search for blogs on legal ways to get kids to shut up.

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